Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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