I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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