I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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