Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
