I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
