We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
