I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
