happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do cheetos always look like penises
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
