Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
