I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
