You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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