why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
