ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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