ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
