So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize