tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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