Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
