if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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