Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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