I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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