I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize