I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
