i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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