He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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