saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
