U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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