She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
