The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
