Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
