Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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