Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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