would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
