the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
