Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nutella sex= disaster
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
