Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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