Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
