Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
