I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
