??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this hospital has no fireball
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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