why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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