went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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