Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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