Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize