At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
