Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sober January is a disaster.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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