Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
two words...techno handjob
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
