fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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