God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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