There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bring me that man meat
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
