I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
