Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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