Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
is wine microwaveable?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
