I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
