i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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