I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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