oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
