"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
