The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
