I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I supernannyed him into submission
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
