Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You ruined the universe
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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