why didn't you poke me back
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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