YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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