I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
