i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
