i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
