I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
