Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize