she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
